I’ve made a pact with myself – One day a week, on Sundays, I will completely shut down my computer, my TV, my cell phone and blackberry, fully disconnected for 24 hours. I’ve decided that living a good life requires a kind of balance, a bit of quiet. I need time to think, to reflect, to find the real me (not the virtual me.)
Unfortunately, turning off the screen did not turn off my brain. I managed to walk, nap, and read the whole New York Times, without hyperlinks. Skimming through the Sunday Times, full of thought-provoking articles, I experimented with discovering my humanity, if I still have any left. I stopped to take notes of where I wanted to revisit, stories that touched me, things that interested me:
Real Estate section - Michael Heller Chu, a flamenco guitarist, and a UN humanitarian relief worker: A peripatetic musician finds a place of his own, a one-room coop on the Lower East Side, for $500,000
My Thought: Musicians are a special breed (writing good music is extremely hard); international relief work is hard work, if not hardest of all careers; super-expensive Manhattan still has a little room left for a rambling musician (His house-hunting story reads like a romantic dating story. “This is how you find good places - by chance, by random conversations,” he said. “We met in an elevator; I told her I was apartment hunting; she told me that she had one for sale. I walked into her place, and it was just what I was looking for.”)
Political Opinion section – by Frank Rich: McCain channels his inner Hillary (trumping fear of terrorism and the prospect of perpetual war)
My Thought: Obama, on the contrary, is not naive. His upbeat campaign tone speaks to American pride and idealism. His prescient anti-Iraq war judgment is not something “experience” can buy, and the organization of his campaign superior. He is smart about talking hope and change, because he may not want to be held hostage to the policy promises he made during the campaign.
Obituaries section - John Lewis, son of a Wall Street titan who became a lawyer to fight for the rights of the poor and powerless, and in December persuaded gov. Eliot Spitzer of New York to pardon a paroled convict, died at 64 of lung cancer. He deserted his upper-class way of life, giving away his generous inheritance to the down-and-out and to causes like Indian welfare, and never stopped.
My Thought: How many heiresses have the heart and brain to do the right thing?
Ideas and Trends section - Religion is less a birthright than a good fit (author Dana Jennings eloquently wrote about his conversion from Rockweiler-like Protestant Christianity to soul-searching Judaism.) More than 1/4 of Americans left the faith of their childhood, either choosing a new one (from mega-church to Buddhist monastery, or from mosque to the Cross) or easing into a life of no faith. This isn't all bad: this cross-pollination breeds tolerance and understanding, and carries with it an unexpected energy and spiritual melting pot to all traditions.
My Thought: We seem to go through the same path. Before 40, we are indifferent, agnostic, and too busy with one thing or another. What happens after 40s, we became hungry for wisdom, meaning, and purposes, even though we are adrift in relentless shallow information. Our lives begin in mystery and end in mystery. In between, we try to explain ourselves to ourselves. We became seekers. I became a Buddhist, because I believe in the metaphors given to me from the Buddhist philosophy. And Buddhist metaphor is how I choose to lead my life - it is no better than your metaphor, and vice versa - just something deep (and beyond words) that moves my soul.
Sunday Style section - Eye of the Artist. How to work a creative mind. Mr. Gondry, the French-born film director who made “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, talked about how our brains and eyes have a way of modifying reality to fit our preconceptions of it. “Your brain is very creative,” he said. “It makes up all sorts of meanings and shapes. We build up our reality from very little information.” For example, he saw an end piece of a baquette on a Air France flight, he could see only one thing: the breast of his former girlfriend (There's some sadness in it. It was a breakup that was never explained.)
My Thought: Everything has the possibility to have a different reality. If you are a creative person, or if you are forced to make things up, just use your eyes. Be assured that you will see what you want to see. With enough practice, you can harness that creative energy too.
Finally: I picked up a few new words: peripededic, pique, prescient
My Thought: English is such a rich language that never ceased to fascinate me - Reading it has the same effect on me as writing it, or speaking it out in the Toastmaster club.
I dearly love the NYT. With all its reporting on the arts and sciences, commerce and humanities, politics and religion, I don’t have time (or the need) to keep up with my virtual friends.
Susie Li
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Journal - Winter Snow, Dream of Spring
>>> MY VIEW OF ASIAN HERITAGE GROUP AT WORK
I’m an equal-opportunity striver. My personal American experience has made me into a “social Darwinist” – I want to be the best at what I do (being the best business decision scientist, the data-driven strategist, and middle manager.). I want to be judged on my own merits without regard to my race or class.
At the company where I work, we have 450 (~10%) Asian employees out of 5,000 in the US branch. All Asians are not the same. There is no need for preferential treatment from our employer; we don’t need to be categorized into one cultural group which tends to promote stereotypes and group psychology of self-pity (and incite unwanted suspicion and resentment, or reinforce prejudice.) We shouldn’t ask the system to lower its standards to accommodate our inadequacies. In a competitive work environment, Some, but not all, of us Asians are perfectly capable of adapting, rising up to the challenges and succeeding within the system, whereas others may fail, and that’s just fine. This thinking makes me a “Social Darwinist” - I am for an organic growth and natural selection (of the fittest) process. Although painful at times, this process ultimately results in an enduring improvement of our conditions.
I support the idea of establishing an Asian Employee Resource group at my workplace only to offer customized assistance/resources for the Asian strivers to become successful at work, but not to offer life-support help to keep those un-prepared, uninitiated, lazy, stubborn Asians alive (they are not worth the trouble saving; and they make the rest of us look bad in the long run.)
“We’ve all grown up differently. That’s why we are different…I like the way just you are.” - Fred Roger
I’ll push the idea a bit further: We are all different and unique in our own way. So, let’s celebrate our diversity as humans, and learn from each other, rather than patronizing one group while neglecting others.
>>> SPEAKING OF FAITH – LISTENING TO ELEPHANTS AND WHALE, AND OUR MORAL CONFLICTS
Elephants and whale are the most social and intelligent (and huge) mammals on earth. They use constantly changing sounds (in the case of elephants, sub-sonic) to communicate with each other.
Interview with Katy Paine of Cornell ornithology in bio-acoustics (her book is “Silent Thunders”), “If we can restrict what we want to what we need, then there will be more for everyone. After all, this is the only planet we have to live in the universe.”
We can all do our own part. For example, if the newly rich Chinese can stop desiring ivory tusks (one of their ugly cultural traits), then there won’t be poaching in poorer countries to satisfy the insatiable appetite of the rich at the expense of destroying bio-diversity. Humans need nature to make their lives richer.
>>> CANDIDATE’S VOICE
As eyes are the window into one’s soul, so is voice the window into one’s heart. A leadership voice should convey authority, passion and empathy.
For a women leader, it poses a difficult dilemma. People seem to approve of only two kinds of traditional women voices, both non-threatening: (1) A little girl’s voice (which conveys helplessness and neediness, like that of Jackie Kennedy.) (2) a siren’s voice (conveys a woman’s sexuality and mating call, like that of Lauren BeCall.) So, what should a women leader sound like? With authority and that elusive connectedness (?)
John McCain – an old voice, warm but trembling
Obama – preachy
Hillary Clinton – an angry mother (which makes her children feel insecure).
>>> HOW TO DEAL WITH TRAGIC LOSS IN LIFE
You’ll never get over it, but you’ll get used to it.
>>> WAR
Why were American soldiers failing in the war in Afghanistan? American army was too fascinated with technology, and neglected to fight the war at a political, cultural and human level.
>>> MAINSTREAMING OR BALKANIZATION – AN IMMIGRATION PARADOX
Americans have a tough time making up its mind about immigration: Republican politicians don’t want immigration, not because the immigrants take the jobs away from ordinary Americans (which they don’t), but because the bulk of the immigrants (especially the less educated Mexicans) don’t integrate well with the rest of the society. Democrats are counting on the immigrant votes, and businessmen want the cheap labor that immigrants bring.
Immigration should be more than economics. The issue is a complex one, beyond just mainstreaming or balkanization of the Mexicans. What if we mainstream all the Mexicans in this country; and they all become better educated; and they all want what Americans want; with prosperity comes plights like those facing Americans today, the Mexicans would no longer be able to insulate themselves from the societal ills, and they will suffer the same fate as the rest of the Americans (subprime mortgage debacles, manufacturing decline, lowering of living standards.)
For me, the priority of the immigration policy should be concerned with border security and national sovereign. I have never seen any country with such a confused policy and lax control of its immigration as America.
>>> HOW TO COMPETE AGAINST CHINESE CHEAP GOODS
To differentiate your product from the cheap knockoffs from China is through superior quality and smart marketing.
Put money into R&D, quality control, and marketing, and you are likely to win over your competition. It may take a while to work, but it is not impossible. Examples: 1 in 3 of the world’s saxophones are produced in a small place in the middle of Taiwan (manufacutring high-quality products priced for the mid-range consumers, rather than the bargain hunters or luxury goods market); Toyota is noted for making quality cars with superb value.
Happy New Year!
Susie Li
February 25, 2007
I’m an equal-opportunity striver. My personal American experience has made me into a “social Darwinist” – I want to be the best at what I do (being the best business decision scientist, the data-driven strategist, and middle manager.). I want to be judged on my own merits without regard to my race or class.
At the company where I work, we have 450 (~10%) Asian employees out of 5,000 in the US branch. All Asians are not the same. There is no need for preferential treatment from our employer; we don’t need to be categorized into one cultural group which tends to promote stereotypes and group psychology of self-pity (and incite unwanted suspicion and resentment, or reinforce prejudice.) We shouldn’t ask the system to lower its standards to accommodate our inadequacies. In a competitive work environment, Some, but not all, of us Asians are perfectly capable of adapting, rising up to the challenges and succeeding within the system, whereas others may fail, and that’s just fine. This thinking makes me a “Social Darwinist” - I am for an organic growth and natural selection (of the fittest) process. Although painful at times, this process ultimately results in an enduring improvement of our conditions.
I support the idea of establishing an Asian Employee Resource group at my workplace only to offer customized assistance/resources for the Asian strivers to become successful at work, but not to offer life-support help to keep those un-prepared, uninitiated, lazy, stubborn Asians alive (they are not worth the trouble saving; and they make the rest of us look bad in the long run.)
“We’ve all grown up differently. That’s why we are different…I like the way just you are.” - Fred Roger
I’ll push the idea a bit further: We are all different and unique in our own way. So, let’s celebrate our diversity as humans, and learn from each other, rather than patronizing one group while neglecting others.
>>> SPEAKING OF FAITH – LISTENING TO ELEPHANTS AND WHALE, AND OUR MORAL CONFLICTS
Elephants and whale are the most social and intelligent (and huge) mammals on earth. They use constantly changing sounds (in the case of elephants, sub-sonic) to communicate with each other.
Interview with Katy Paine of Cornell ornithology in bio-acoustics (her book is “Silent Thunders”), “If we can restrict what we want to what we need, then there will be more for everyone. After all, this is the only planet we have to live in the universe.”
We can all do our own part. For example, if the newly rich Chinese can stop desiring ivory tusks (one of their ugly cultural traits), then there won’t be poaching in poorer countries to satisfy the insatiable appetite of the rich at the expense of destroying bio-diversity. Humans need nature to make their lives richer.
>>> CANDIDATE’S VOICE
As eyes are the window into one’s soul, so is voice the window into one’s heart. A leadership voice should convey authority, passion and empathy.
For a women leader, it poses a difficult dilemma. People seem to approve of only two kinds of traditional women voices, both non-threatening: (1) A little girl’s voice (which conveys helplessness and neediness, like that of Jackie Kennedy.) (2) a siren’s voice (conveys a woman’s sexuality and mating call, like that of Lauren BeCall.) So, what should a women leader sound like? With authority and that elusive connectedness (?)
John McCain – an old voice, warm but trembling
Obama – preachy
Hillary Clinton – an angry mother (which makes her children feel insecure).
>>> HOW TO DEAL WITH TRAGIC LOSS IN LIFE
You’ll never get over it, but you’ll get used to it.
>>> WAR
Why were American soldiers failing in the war in Afghanistan? American army was too fascinated with technology, and neglected to fight the war at a political, cultural and human level.
>>> MAINSTREAMING OR BALKANIZATION – AN IMMIGRATION PARADOX
Americans have a tough time making up its mind about immigration: Republican politicians don’t want immigration, not because the immigrants take the jobs away from ordinary Americans (which they don’t), but because the bulk of the immigrants (especially the less educated Mexicans) don’t integrate well with the rest of the society. Democrats are counting on the immigrant votes, and businessmen want the cheap labor that immigrants bring.
Immigration should be more than economics. The issue is a complex one, beyond just mainstreaming or balkanization of the Mexicans. What if we mainstream all the Mexicans in this country; and they all become better educated; and they all want what Americans want; with prosperity comes plights like those facing Americans today, the Mexicans would no longer be able to insulate themselves from the societal ills, and they will suffer the same fate as the rest of the Americans (subprime mortgage debacles, manufacturing decline, lowering of living standards.)
For me, the priority of the immigration policy should be concerned with border security and national sovereign. I have never seen any country with such a confused policy and lax control of its immigration as America.
>>> HOW TO COMPETE AGAINST CHINESE CHEAP GOODS
To differentiate your product from the cheap knockoffs from China is through superior quality and smart marketing.
Put money into R&D, quality control, and marketing, and you are likely to win over your competition. It may take a while to work, but it is not impossible. Examples: 1 in 3 of the world’s saxophones are produced in a small place in the middle of Taiwan (manufacutring high-quality products priced for the mid-range consumers, rather than the bargain hunters or luxury goods market); Toyota is noted for making quality cars with superb value.
Happy New Year!
Susie Li
February 25, 2007
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Journal - Meltdown of World Stock Markets
The volatility of the world’s stock markets over the long weekend has taught me some important lessons in world economy:
>>> The emerging economies (India, China especially; less so are the developed economies) are still dependent on Americans’ spending - despite whoever told you otherwise. Therefore, their governments have been so willing to subsidize Americans’ borrowing habits in the past. The prospect of American recession has given them a rude shock and awakening.
>>> People in China or Japan are earning more than what they spend (they are countries of savers.) Their economies are cushioned by rich cash reserves and can withstand recessions. Americans are spending more than what they earn. American economy is driven entirely by borrowing and consumption; and when the credit lines dry up, Americans stop consuming, and the economy goes into a recession.
>>> America is run by “market capitalism” trumped by Wall Street financial wizards and Corporate America, while China or Arab oil countries are run by state-planned “national capitalism”. In times of duress, America will be available for sale.
>>> A nation which doesn’t produce its own goods or services for its citizens is on thin ice. A country which lives on credit (or the whims of their financial gurus) runs the risk of self-deception.
>>> George Soro was right on with his long-range economic predictions:
- Re-regulation of American financial/banking industries is needed to fix America’s subprime mess.
- FED’s lowering its key lending interest rate can only fix the problems temporarily. American recession is inevitable and cannot be solved quickly or painlessly.
- Asian economy is still healthy, and has more room to grow their own demand. Emerging economies will learn from this lesson and move on to do the right thing.
>>> It’s not so bad that the world weans itself from American economy. It’s not so bad that America cedes its economic power to other countries.
>>> The Republicans have no economic policy:
- The only thing they know is tax-cut.
>>> The emerging economies (India, China especially; less so are the developed economies) are still dependent on Americans’ spending - despite whoever told you otherwise. Therefore, their governments have been so willing to subsidize Americans’ borrowing habits in the past. The prospect of American recession has given them a rude shock and awakening.
>>> People in China or Japan are earning more than what they spend (they are countries of savers.) Their economies are cushioned by rich cash reserves and can withstand recessions. Americans are spending more than what they earn. American economy is driven entirely by borrowing and consumption; and when the credit lines dry up, Americans stop consuming, and the economy goes into a recession.
>>> America is run by “market capitalism” trumped by Wall Street financial wizards and Corporate America, while China or Arab oil countries are run by state-planned “national capitalism”. In times of duress, America will be available for sale.
>>> A nation which doesn’t produce its own goods or services for its citizens is on thin ice. A country which lives on credit (or the whims of their financial gurus) runs the risk of self-deception.
>>> George Soro was right on with his long-range economic predictions:
- Re-regulation of American financial/banking industries is needed to fix America’s subprime mess.
- FED’s lowering its key lending interest rate can only fix the problems temporarily. American recession is inevitable and cannot be solved quickly or painlessly.
- Asian economy is still healthy, and has more room to grow their own demand. Emerging economies will learn from this lesson and move on to do the right thing.
>>> It’s not so bad that the world weans itself from American economy. It’s not so bad that America cedes its economic power to other countries.
>>> The Republicans have no economic policy:
- The only thing they know is tax-cut.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Robo-Heads
A computer consultant driving a rental car drove onto train tracks Wednesday using the instructions his GPS unit gave him. A train was barreling toward him, but he escaped in time and no one was injured.
The driver had turned right, as the system advised, and the car somehow got stuck on the tracks at the crossing. He jumped out and tried to warn the engineer by waving. He got out of the way just before the train slammed into the car at 60 mph, Metro-North railroad spokesman Dan Brucker said Thursday.
The car was pushed more than 100 feet during the fiery crash. Some 500 train passengers were stranded for more than two hours during the Wednesday evening rush hour. The accident also heavily damaged 250 feet of rail, Brucker said.
Copyright 2008 The Associated Press.
We always compare ourselves with our previous generations. True to tell, our fathers are handier and more self-sufficient than we are; and sadly, we seem to be handier and slightly more self-sufficient than my children.
I’ve imagined a future, from how my kids have developed, of robo-heads (no arms, no bodies, just the heads) living in a techno-bubble. They can’t eat or drink, can’t drive, can’t imagine, can’t have sex, with eyes glued to the TV and Internet. They are good for little, quite dependent, and completely hopeless without their gear.
Have you read Neil Gaiman’s science fiction, “American Gods”, where the gods are what’s left of human intellect (in the novel, gods were those brought to America from the old countries by early immigrants and then forgotten), and the evil is the modern-day technology? The novel was about the big fight between the good and the evil. I don’t know who won in the end yet – I haven’t finished reading it. But I’ll be smart enough to stay away from those mind-numbing devices: TV, mall, video games, IPOD, and GPS (mind you, I’m not above using technology to make my life easier.)
This morning, I’ve heard that GM has unveiled a new electronic contraption for their future cars in this year’s Las Vegas Consumer Electronics show. This device will allow you to eat, drink, talk, do makeup, shave, watch TV, go on Internet all while you are driving – things that you are quite capable of multi-tasking now inside your car without technology (I won’t tell.) Here is just another smart invention of a master distraction in our lives, eh?
The driver had turned right, as the system advised, and the car somehow got stuck on the tracks at the crossing. He jumped out and tried to warn the engineer by waving. He got out of the way just before the train slammed into the car at 60 mph, Metro-North railroad spokesman Dan Brucker said Thursday.
The car was pushed more than 100 feet during the fiery crash. Some 500 train passengers were stranded for more than two hours during the Wednesday evening rush hour. The accident also heavily damaged 250 feet of rail, Brucker said.
Copyright 2008 The Associated Press.
*************************************************************************************************************************** ***************
A true story that happened practically in my backyard near Bedford, New York. And the train involved in the crash was the beloved Metro-North Harlem train.
*************************************************************************************************************************** ***************
Things like this make me wonder: Are these techno-gadgets having the effect of dumbing down human brains, or what? In the old days, to prepare for a trip, I would study the map way ahead of time, drive more attentively and cautiously on unfamiliar roads. Today, with the ever easy-to-use GPS and a car which almost drives itself (with cruise control, automatic transmission, etc), any dummy can drive anywhere with his eyes practically shut (or he thinks he can).We always compare ourselves with our previous generations. True to tell, our fathers are handier and more self-sufficient than we are; and sadly, we seem to be handier and slightly more self-sufficient than my children.
I’ve imagined a future, from how my kids have developed, of robo-heads (no arms, no bodies, just the heads) living in a techno-bubble. They can’t eat or drink, can’t drive, can’t imagine, can’t have sex, with eyes glued to the TV and Internet. They are good for little, quite dependent, and completely hopeless without their gear.
Have you read Neil Gaiman’s science fiction, “American Gods”, where the gods are what’s left of human intellect (in the novel, gods were those brought to America from the old countries by early immigrants and then forgotten), and the evil is the modern-day technology? The novel was about the big fight between the good and the evil. I don’t know who won in the end yet – I haven’t finished reading it. But I’ll be smart enough to stay away from those mind-numbing devices: TV, mall, video games, IPOD, and GPS (mind you, I’m not above using technology to make my life easier.)
This morning, I’ve heard that GM has unveiled a new electronic contraption for their future cars in this year’s Las Vegas Consumer Electronics show. This device will allow you to eat, drink, talk, do makeup, shave, watch TV, go on Internet all while you are driving – things that you are quite capable of multi-tasking now inside your car without technology (I won’t tell.) Here is just another smart invention of a master distraction in our lives, eh?
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
New York, New York
I asked my daughter recently if she would go work in New York after graduation from Cornell, like a lot of her young friends have done. She replied, “I don’t think so. I don’t like how my friends turn out after living in New York.” Her response gave me something to think about.
It is every small-town New Yorker’s dream to end up in the big City someday. Not just for the young boy or girl, the dream occurred even to me. Seven years ago, at the age of 46, bored of Ithaca, I packed up my belongings, and moved 220 miles south to be near New York. For the following five years, I lived in the suburbs, and took the train into the City for work everyday.
Today, I’ve retired from the City – Since November 2006, I took a job in Connecticut, doing the reverse commute away from the City.
What has caused my change of heart about New York? The City? The people? Me? All of the above? Or just me? All I remember at the time was this “I began to tire of the City” feeling.
In hindsight, there were reasons deep inside beyond me that bothered me, but I could not tell their names at the time which I only know now.
Toxic Manhattan may be nice on certain nights, but awful on other nights.
The City is but a romance. When you are younger, you live for the promise and potential that the City presents you (including high heels, cocktails, and charge cards for the new girls). When you get older, you have caught up. The magic dims, and you begin to see the ugliness around you: the lonely people; the class divide; the greed and arrogance of the Wall Street sucking the soul off the City. Good people will then move on, repulsed by the nastiness in the air.
By the time I left the City, a mere one year ago, New York was on speed: a terribly unaffordable place, a playground for the idle rich, a city financed by the dirty money from one dominant, yet infamous industry (an industry that takes in the country’s brightest and molds them into a bunch of corrupt capitalist lemmings). Underneath the gilded façade, average folks toiled, moving farther and farther away from Manhattan to save on rent, robbing the City off its vital essence of ethnic colors (now suffering the final indignity of credit crunch on their dwellings at the hands of the unscrupulous Wall Street traders of the exotic mortgage-backed securities.)
What I value in a friendship has always been intelligence, honesty and originality. I see little evidence of any in the friends I’ve made inside the City. I seemed to run into a succession of selfish, flawed, mostly single professional women. No matter how hard I tried to be nice, I knew my relationships with them would not last. Till this day, I often wonder if the City has made them, or they have made the City. (Oh, there are so many of them…Terrified to be left alone, and yet unpleasant to be around long.)
New York is Starbuck, and I am Duncan Donut. You go to Starbuck to see, to be seen, and to hang out; that’s where you spend $4 on a coffee of a cup size that you cannot even pronounce. I prefer Duncan Donut, because I can get my good-to-great cup of medium-size coffee on the run for $2.50.
I understand my daughter’s ambivalence about New York. I’ve been there myself.
But one certain thing about young people is their uncertainty.
November 27, 2007
Susie Li
It is every small-town New Yorker’s dream to end up in the big City someday. Not just for the young boy or girl, the dream occurred even to me. Seven years ago, at the age of 46, bored of Ithaca, I packed up my belongings, and moved 220 miles south to be near New York. For the following five years, I lived in the suburbs, and took the train into the City for work everyday.
Today, I’ve retired from the City – Since November 2006, I took a job in Connecticut, doing the reverse commute away from the City.
What has caused my change of heart about New York? The City? The people? Me? All of the above? Or just me? All I remember at the time was this “I began to tire of the City” feeling.
In hindsight, there were reasons deep inside beyond me that bothered me, but I could not tell their names at the time which I only know now.
Toxic Manhattan may be nice on certain nights, but awful on other nights.
The City is but a romance. When you are younger, you live for the promise and potential that the City presents you (including high heels, cocktails, and charge cards for the new girls). When you get older, you have caught up. The magic dims, and you begin to see the ugliness around you: the lonely people; the class divide; the greed and arrogance of the Wall Street sucking the soul off the City. Good people will then move on, repulsed by the nastiness in the air.
By the time I left the City, a mere one year ago, New York was on speed: a terribly unaffordable place, a playground for the idle rich, a city financed by the dirty money from one dominant, yet infamous industry (an industry that takes in the country’s brightest and molds them into a bunch of corrupt capitalist lemmings). Underneath the gilded façade, average folks toiled, moving farther and farther away from Manhattan to save on rent, robbing the City off its vital essence of ethnic colors (now suffering the final indignity of credit crunch on their dwellings at the hands of the unscrupulous Wall Street traders of the exotic mortgage-backed securities.)
What I value in a friendship has always been intelligence, honesty and originality. I see little evidence of any in the friends I’ve made inside the City. I seemed to run into a succession of selfish, flawed, mostly single professional women. No matter how hard I tried to be nice, I knew my relationships with them would not last. Till this day, I often wonder if the City has made them, or they have made the City. (Oh, there are so many of them…Terrified to be left alone, and yet unpleasant to be around long.)
New York is Starbuck, and I am Duncan Donut. You go to Starbuck to see, to be seen, and to hang out; that’s where you spend $4 on a coffee of a cup size that you cannot even pronounce. I prefer Duncan Donut, because I can get my good-to-great cup of medium-size coffee on the run for $2.50.
I understand my daughter’s ambivalence about New York. I’ve been there myself.
But one certain thing about young people is their uncertainty.
November 27, 2007
Susie Li
Thursday, October 18, 2007
REUNION, A STRANGE THING
Reunion is a strange thing. It could feel like a mental torture, for the first timer at least. The thought of it was downright scary and threatening for me: What am I going to find out? What if I don’t like what I hear or see? What if I do? What does it all mean? Who would show up in one of these meetings anyway? The accomplished? The survivors? The showoffs? The has-beens? The retirees leisurely sneering at the working stiffs?
It also begged the next set of questions: Who DO NOT show up? The forgotten? The depressed? The shy? The sinking ones? The wash-outs?
I know I shouldn’t doubt myself, but I can’t help it. With this, I tiptoed into the Beinu 35th reunion held in Washington DC on the weekend of October 13, 2007.
*** How did it turn out?
Not as bad as I had thought, although I must admit that I felt awkward in the beginning, being one of the five Shu classmates from among 120 attendees. 120 was a respectable turnout, considering the size of the total of 1972 graduates (about 1,000 girls), and considering whoever made it to America all these years since…
They say that you’ll make new friends at the reunions. It’s sort of true; but it will take more than one reunion to know your new friends well. I still prefer my Shu confidants (“Si Dang”). Too bad that few of them bothered to make the trip from the West Coast to join us this time.
I picked out some friends from as early as when I was at the West Gate (‘Ximen’) Elementary School 40+ years ago. One girl (or one lady now) in DC was apparently doing quite well, wheeling and dealing in real estate, while working as a pediatrician, married to an elderly white man from the FDA (who was once a cardiologist.) Her current status and reputation (a dragon lady to be sure) seemed at odd with the image I had of her when young - fresh, demure and understated.
Such a scenario played out over and over again in the reunion. In the end, I’ve decided that people grew to match their lives; and life is full of accidents/surprises. The majority who came to America, took the road of least resistance, working for large corporations, played by the safe rules, tended to become cautious, reserved, and appropriately polite. The few who took the roads less traveled, working for themselves as entrepreneurs, tended to become resourceful, outgoing, and appropriately aggressive. This was true with or without the blessing of previous dispositions.
I belonged firmly in the former group. What I am now is a somewhat timid, conservative, and risk-averse individual, contrary to what my Beinu classmates have thought of me as a wild teenager. Was it my age? My coming to America, compelled as a perpetual foreigner to stay invisible? Or, my marriage to a settled and conservative academic? I don’t know. I suppose it could be a little bit of everything.
Ah, the reunion made me reminisce my vivacious youth. My good friend Sheila Chen from the Shu class, now in Tempa Florida, told me how, in high school, I showed up one Saturday morning at her house in Taipei, asking her mother to relay this message to her (who was still sleeping), “If my mother calls to find out where I was last night, tell her that I spent the night with your daughter at your place.” It was a boldface lie, told to a wrong person -Sheila’s mom. Now everything came back: I did have one boyfriend in high school whom my mother detested. He was a cool kid from a rotten, second-rate school. I was sentimental about him, and rebellious about my mother’s strict forbiddance of my association with him. My boyfriend was to be sent off to serve his military duty; and we spent a night together sitting in a nearby coffee shop, bidding each other farewell and crying all night. The next morning, I must be desperate for an excuse to get out of my mommy trouble, so I thought of Sheila…When you’re young, you do stupid things…
In the big gala on Saturday night at the reunion, I stood up to recall an adventurous journey through Africa, the dark continent, with my little family back in 1987: My American anthropologist husband would not suffer an escorted, guided tour with a group, but we wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to visit Kenya and the game parks that we had heard so much about. So he rented a white Toyota wagon, with me and my 6-month-old infant daughter in toll. In Kenya, you wouldn’t dream of camping once stepping out of Nairobi the capital. For foreign tourists, reserving hotel stays in game park resorts was a must. This was, after all, the real THIRD WORLD. But being a naïve traveler, my husband underestimated the time it took to get from Nairobi to the first game park resort. 40 short miles on a map took us a full day to travel through dry dirt roads and muddy puddles, not to mention the blown tire, low gas (no gas stations until the resort), and many curious, threatening stares from the 6-7 foot tall spear-carrying, loin-cloth clad Masai warriors coming and going by our dirty white Toyota (for the dirt road was the main thoroughfare connecting villages where people’s only means of transportation was their two lower limbs.) There were more harried tales to follow: My infant daughter was locked out by accident by her young mother at the game park, while the baboons outside stared right in, ready to jump in to devour her whole (or kidnap her from the crib, whichever); We were blackmailed by two border police from the neighboring country of Tanzania for trespassing while following a school of loitering hippos up the river (An obvious tourist trap, for we only remembered seeing a dry cow skull hanging by the roadside, hardly a legitimate border symbol between two states.)
When my classmates clasps their hands for more of my safari stories (or they were just being nice), I realized that I had had some pretty amazing experiences that were beyond “normal” for my fellow classmates, thanks to my husband – A true explorer, and a renaissance man from the 60s. I also realized that so many of our lives were forever changed by the men we were married to, in ways that no schooling, career or parenting could have ever made a difference.
Through finding things out about others, I found out about myself. This reunion has made me step out of myself, learn about myself, discover my past, re-examine my present. And because of it, I am refreshed, waiting for the next chapter of my life to unfold – and that is intriguing. There lies the beauty of the reunion.
On the way back to New York from the reunion, in the car, all seven of us who have warmed up to each other quite well by then, were scheming for our second lives. We talked about some dreams, not too distant in 10-15 years, when we shall retire from our day jobs, or from being someone’s wife or mother or daughter. We may pool our money and brains together to invest in a kind of reunion complex (built to be like the Beinu “GuangFu” hall where we once studied at), to work on a skill co-op (I’ve counted a lawyer, a business analyst, a cancer researcher, a wine expert, an artist, and a property manager among us).
There you have it.
October 18, 2007
Susie Li
It also begged the next set of questions: Who DO NOT show up? The forgotten? The depressed? The shy? The sinking ones? The wash-outs?
I know I shouldn’t doubt myself, but I can’t help it. With this, I tiptoed into the Beinu 35th reunion held in Washington DC on the weekend of October 13, 2007.
*** How did it turn out?
Not as bad as I had thought, although I must admit that I felt awkward in the beginning, being one of the five Shu classmates from among 120 attendees. 120 was a respectable turnout, considering the size of the total of 1972 graduates (about 1,000 girls), and considering whoever made it to America all these years since…
They say that you’ll make new friends at the reunions. It’s sort of true; but it will take more than one reunion to know your new friends well. I still prefer my Shu confidants (“Si Dang”). Too bad that few of them bothered to make the trip from the West Coast to join us this time.
I picked out some friends from as early as when I was at the West Gate (‘Ximen’) Elementary School 40+ years ago. One girl (or one lady now) in DC was apparently doing quite well, wheeling and dealing in real estate, while working as a pediatrician, married to an elderly white man from the FDA (who was once a cardiologist.) Her current status and reputation (a dragon lady to be sure) seemed at odd with the image I had of her when young - fresh, demure and understated.
Such a scenario played out over and over again in the reunion. In the end, I’ve decided that people grew to match their lives; and life is full of accidents/surprises. The majority who came to America, took the road of least resistance, working for large corporations, played by the safe rules, tended to become cautious, reserved, and appropriately polite. The few who took the roads less traveled, working for themselves as entrepreneurs, tended to become resourceful, outgoing, and appropriately aggressive. This was true with or without the blessing of previous dispositions.
I belonged firmly in the former group. What I am now is a somewhat timid, conservative, and risk-averse individual, contrary to what my Beinu classmates have thought of me as a wild teenager. Was it my age? My coming to America, compelled as a perpetual foreigner to stay invisible? Or, my marriage to a settled and conservative academic? I don’t know. I suppose it could be a little bit of everything.
Ah, the reunion made me reminisce my vivacious youth. My good friend Sheila Chen from the Shu class, now in Tempa Florida, told me how, in high school, I showed up one Saturday morning at her house in Taipei, asking her mother to relay this message to her (who was still sleeping), “If my mother calls to find out where I was last night, tell her that I spent the night with your daughter at your place.” It was a boldface lie, told to a wrong person -Sheila’s mom. Now everything came back: I did have one boyfriend in high school whom my mother detested. He was a cool kid from a rotten, second-rate school. I was sentimental about him, and rebellious about my mother’s strict forbiddance of my association with him. My boyfriend was to be sent off to serve his military duty; and we spent a night together sitting in a nearby coffee shop, bidding each other farewell and crying all night. The next morning, I must be desperate for an excuse to get out of my mommy trouble, so I thought of Sheila…When you’re young, you do stupid things…In the big gala on Saturday night at the reunion, I stood up to recall an adventurous journey through Africa, the dark continent, with my little family back in 1987: My American anthropologist husband would not suffer an escorted, guided tour with a group, but we wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to visit Kenya and the game parks that we had heard so much about. So he rented a white Toyota wagon, with me and my 6-month-old infant daughter in toll. In Kenya, you wouldn’t dream of camping once stepping out of Nairobi the capital. For foreign tourists, reserving hotel stays in game park resorts was a must. This was, after all, the real THIRD WORLD. But being a naïve traveler, my husband underestimated the time it took to get from Nairobi to the first game park resort. 40 short miles on a map took us a full day to travel through dry dirt roads and muddy puddles, not to mention the blown tire, low gas (no gas stations until the resort), and many curious, threatening stares from the 6-7 foot tall spear-carrying, loin-cloth clad Masai warriors coming and going by our dirty white Toyota (for the dirt road was the main thoroughfare connecting villages where people’s only means of transportation was their two lower limbs.) There were more harried tales to follow: My infant daughter was locked out by accident by her young mother at the game park, while the baboons outside stared right in, ready to jump in to devour her whole (or kidnap her from the crib, whichever); We were blackmailed by two border police from the neighboring country of Tanzania for trespassing while following a school of loitering hippos up the river (An obvious tourist trap, for we only remembered seeing a dry cow skull hanging by the roadside, hardly a legitimate border symbol between two states.)
When my classmates clasps their hands for more of my safari stories (or they were just being nice), I realized that I had had some pretty amazing experiences that were beyond “normal” for my fellow classmates, thanks to my husband – A true explorer, and a renaissance man from the 60s. I also realized that so many of our lives were forever changed by the men we were married to, in ways that no schooling, career or parenting could have ever made a difference.
Through finding things out about others, I found out about myself. This reunion has made me step out of myself, learn about myself, discover my past, re-examine my present. And because of it, I am refreshed, waiting for the next chapter of my life to unfold – and that is intriguing. There lies the beauty of the reunion.On the way back to New York from the reunion, in the car, all seven of us who have warmed up to each other quite well by then, were scheming for our second lives. We talked about some dreams, not too distant in 10-15 years, when we shall retire from our day jobs, or from being someone’s wife or mother or daughter. We may pool our money and brains together to invest in a kind of reunion complex (built to be like the Beinu “GuangFu” hall where we once studied at), to work on a skill co-op (I’ve counted a lawyer, a business analyst, a cancer researcher, a wine expert, an artist, and a property manager among us).
There you have it.
October 18, 2007
Susie Li
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Social Grace and Cultural Sensitivity – East Meets West
Nothing makes a mother prouder than seeing a daughter growing up nicely from an immature, rebellious, selfish American youth into a mature, understanding and culturally aware world-class citizen.
My daughter Kristin did not much care for the Chinese side of her heritage as a child living in a small town in upstate New York, despite my best effort. But after she entered into Cornell University down a few blocks from where we are to study social sciences, things have changed: She has not only opened her mind to the intellectual learning of a great college, but also embraced the diversity and her own Chinese ethnicity in full force.
For this summer, through some personal contact, she found herself a counselor’s job with a bi-lingual summer camp in the city of DaLian, in northern LiaoNing Province. She is spending a total of 2 months in China, touring Eastern cities and teaching English to little kids ranging in ages from 7 to 12. This is her first trip abroad alone, not as a tourist, but as a cultural ethnographer (sort of).
I’m all in favor of her adventure into my homeland, getting to know my people and their ways of life (although I myself have only seen China for the first time last year.) My secret hope was that she might learn to appreciate the struggles of her mother adapting to America in her earlier years coming from Taiwan, much like China today.
We are in constant touch with each other, and I am writing down what she sees and hears, and the change of her perceptions of China and Chinese people for all to share.
Susie Li
7/25/2007
Social Grace
“How is it possible for such an ancient people as Chinese to degenerate to such a state of ugliness - crass, noisy, uncivilized, uncooperative, boastful, dirty, unforgiving? Not only have we been bullied by foreigners; we’ve been bullied by our own kind – from tyrannical emperors to corrupt officials and ruthless mobs.” So said Bo Yang, the satirical Taiwanese writer, in the 70s.
You would think things have improved now that China is fast forwarding to the 21st century. Not quite. Even in many of China’s most modern cities, Kristin has noticed the lack of basic etiquette and prevalence of disgusting old habits. With the 2008 Olympic just around the corner, these may be the very behavior that Westerners who come to visit would use to define China (how about barbaric, for example):
Kristin was prepared for people spitting; but SPITTING IN PEOPLE’S FACE? Oh please, that is rude!
Her Chinese acquaintances are not shy from picking their noses or picking the dead skin off their feet in public.
No one lines up for anything in China. No one respects law, and perhaps, there are no laws.
Chinese love money. While they have it, they’ll flaunt it, quite crudely. Unfortunately, there are a lot of newly rich Chinese who have not learned the virtue of modesty…
There are one billion Chinese in China. It is competitive out there. People will lie, cheat, or cut corners to gain every bit of advantage over others. What you get are street fights, car crashes and mob scenes.
Education of the Young
Kristin suffers from the consequence of China’s one child policy: She has one class of 6-7 years old kindergarteners under her charge. Most of them are boys; a lot are brought up by their grannies (who do the spoiling) while parents are working; and all of them are spoiled and undisciplined. Her experience has firmed up her own belief, “Two is better than one.”
The conservative Confucianism discourages independent thinking and encourages fear of authority. Chinese parents demand homework and progress everyday from schools for their kids. By the time the kids graduated from schools, they have been molded into robots, capable of only studying and surviving exams – no creativity, no questioning the authority, no free will, no social skills.
“No wonder those Chinese students at Cornell seemed so boring,” Kristin remarked.
“What else could they do? They were not comfortable with English. They were at least good for going to the library!” I replied.
Cultural Sensitivity
I told Kristin that China is going through the growing pain: thrusting first from an agrarian society into Communism where everyone lost everything, everyone was poor; then thrusting again into capitalism. There may be enough time for economic adjustment, but hardly enough time for mental adjustment. It will take some more time (30 more years?) and many citizens traveling overseas to bring home societal changes.
She assured me that she is adapting well and enjoys her new friendships and surroundings in DaLian. She is equally at ease living in the downscale hostels in Beijing Hutong as using the squat-down toilets (It is more sanitary according to her.) In her calculating mind, she is already planning for next year back in China for a longer stay, more cities, more learning, and better Mandarin Chinese.
My daughter Kristin did not much care for the Chinese side of her heritage as a child living in a small town in upstate New York, despite my best effort. But after she entered into Cornell University down a few blocks from where we are to study social sciences, things have changed: She has not only opened her mind to the intellectual learning of a great college, but also embraced the diversity and her own Chinese ethnicity in full force.
For this summer, through some personal contact, she found herself a counselor’s job with a bi-lingual summer camp in the city of DaLian, in northern LiaoNing Province. She is spending a total of 2 months in China, touring Eastern cities and teaching English to little kids ranging in ages from 7 to 12. This is her first trip abroad alone, not as a tourist, but as a cultural ethnographer (sort of).
I’m all in favor of her adventure into my homeland, getting to know my people and their ways of life (although I myself have only seen China for the first time last year.) My secret hope was that she might learn to appreciate the struggles of her mother adapting to America in her earlier years coming from Taiwan, much like China today.
We are in constant touch with each other, and I am writing down what she sees and hears, and the change of her perceptions of China and Chinese people for all to share.
Susie Li
7/25/2007
Social Grace
“How is it possible for such an ancient people as Chinese to degenerate to such a state of ugliness - crass, noisy, uncivilized, uncooperative, boastful, dirty, unforgiving? Not only have we been bullied by foreigners; we’ve been bullied by our own kind – from tyrannical emperors to corrupt officials and ruthless mobs.” So said Bo Yang, the satirical Taiwanese writer, in the 70s.
You would think things have improved now that China is fast forwarding to the 21st century. Not quite. Even in many of China’s most modern cities, Kristin has noticed the lack of basic etiquette and prevalence of disgusting old habits. With the 2008 Olympic just around the corner, these may be the very behavior that Westerners who come to visit would use to define China (how about barbaric, for example):
Kristin was prepared for people spitting; but SPITTING IN PEOPLE’S FACE? Oh please, that is rude!
Her Chinese acquaintances are not shy from picking their noses or picking the dead skin off their feet in public.
No one lines up for anything in China. No one respects law, and perhaps, there are no laws.
Chinese love money. While they have it, they’ll flaunt it, quite crudely. Unfortunately, there are a lot of newly rich Chinese who have not learned the virtue of modesty…
There are one billion Chinese in China. It is competitive out there. People will lie, cheat, or cut corners to gain every bit of advantage over others. What you get are street fights, car crashes and mob scenes.
Education of the Young
Kristin suffers from the consequence of China’s one child policy: She has one class of 6-7 years old kindergarteners under her charge. Most of them are boys; a lot are brought up by their grannies (who do the spoiling) while parents are working; and all of them are spoiled and undisciplined. Her experience has firmed up her own belief, “Two is better than one.”
The conservative Confucianism discourages independent thinking and encourages fear of authority. Chinese parents demand homework and progress everyday from schools for their kids. By the time the kids graduated from schools, they have been molded into robots, capable of only studying and surviving exams – no creativity, no questioning the authority, no free will, no social skills.
“No wonder those Chinese students at Cornell seemed so boring,” Kristin remarked.
“What else could they do? They were not comfortable with English. They were at least good for going to the library!” I replied.
Cultural Sensitivity
I told Kristin that China is going through the growing pain: thrusting first from an agrarian society into Communism where everyone lost everything, everyone was poor; then thrusting again into capitalism. There may be enough time for economic adjustment, but hardly enough time for mental adjustment. It will take some more time (30 more years?) and many citizens traveling overseas to bring home societal changes.
She assured me that she is adapting well and enjoys her new friendships and surroundings in DaLian. She is equally at ease living in the downscale hostels in Beijing Hutong as using the squat-down toilets (It is more sanitary according to her.) In her calculating mind, she is already planning for next year back in China for a longer stay, more cities, more learning, and better Mandarin Chinese.
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