Social Grace and Cultural Sensitivity – East Meets West

Nothing makes a mother prouder than seeing a daughter growing up nicely from an immature, rebellious, selfish American youth into a mature, understanding and culturally aware world-class citizen.

My daughter Kristin did not much care for the Chinese side of her heritage as a child living in a small town in upstate New York, despite my best effort. But after she entered into Cornell University down a few blocks from where we are to study social sciences, things have changed: She has not only opened her mind to the intellectual learning of a great college, but also embraced the diversity and her own Chinese ethnicity in full force.

For this summer, through some personal contact, she found herself a counselor’s job with a bi-lingual summer camp in the city of DaLian, in northern LiaoNing Province. She is spending a total of 2 months in China, touring Eastern cities and teaching English to little kids ranging in ages from 7 to 12. This is her first trip abroad alone, not as a tourist, but as a cultural ethnographer (sort of).

I’m all in favor of her adventure into my homeland, getting to know my people and their ways of life (although I myself have only seen China for the first time last year.) My secret hope was that she might learn to appreciate the struggles of her mother adapting to America in her earlier years coming from Taiwan, much like China today.

We are in constant touch with each other, and I am writing down what she sees and hears, and the change of her perceptions of China and Chinese people for all to share.

Susie Li
7/25/2007

Social Grace

“How is it possible for such an ancient people as Chinese to degenerate to such a state of ugliness - crass, noisy, uncivilized, uncooperative, boastful, dirty, unforgiving? Not only have we been bullied by foreigners; we’ve been bullied by our own kind – from tyrannical emperors to corrupt officials and ruthless mobs.” So said Bo Yang, the satirical Taiwanese writer, in the 70s.

You would think things have improved now that China is fast forwarding to the 21st century. Not quite. Even in many of China’s most modern cities, Kristin has noticed the lack of basic etiquette and prevalence of disgusting old habits. With the 2008 Olympic just around the corner, these may be the very behavior that Westerners who come to visit would use to define China (how about barbaric, for example):

Kristin was prepared for people spitting; but SPITTING IN PEOPLE’S FACE? Oh please, that is rude!

Her Chinese acquaintances are not shy from picking their noses or picking the dead skin off their feet in public.

No one lines up for anything in China. No one respects law, and perhaps, there are no laws.

Chinese love money. While they have it, they’ll flaunt it, quite crudely. Unfortunately, there are a lot of newly rich Chinese who have not learned the virtue of modesty…

There are one billion Chinese in China. It is competitive out there. People will lie, cheat, or cut corners to gain every bit of advantage over others. What you get are street fights, car crashes and mob scenes.

Education of the Young

Kristin suffers from the consequence of China’s one child policy: She has one class of 6-7 years old kindergarteners under her charge. Most of them are boys; a lot are brought up by their grannies (who do the spoiling) while parents are working; and all of them are spoiled and undisciplined. Her experience has firmed up her own belief, “Two is better than one.”

The conservative Confucianism discourages independent thinking and encourages fear of authority. Chinese parents demand homework and progress everyday from schools for their kids. By the time the kids graduated from schools, they have been molded into robots, capable of only studying and surviving exams – no creativity, no questioning the authority, no free will, no social skills.

“No wonder those Chinese students at Cornell seemed so boring,” Kristin remarked.

“What else could they do? They were not comfortable with English. They were at least good for going to the library!” I replied.

Cultural Sensitivity

I told Kristin that China is going through the growing pain: thrusting first from an agrarian society into Communism where everyone lost everything, everyone was poor; then thrusting again into capitalism. There may be enough time for economic adjustment, but hardly enough time for mental adjustment. It will take some more time (30 more years?) and many citizens traveling overseas to bring home societal changes.

She assured me that she is adapting well and enjoys her new friendships and surroundings in DaLian. She is equally at ease living in the downscale hostels in Beijing Hutong as using the squat-down toilets (It is more sanitary according to her.) In her calculating mind, she is already planning for next year back in China for a longer stay, more cities, more learning, and better Mandarin Chinese.